Randomness

The good news is that while I haven't been writing anything here the last few days, I have been writing. Sometimes you want to share your life with the internet, other days, not so much. Actually I haven't felt much like sharing anything with anybody lately and when I have opened my mouth I've been talked over and just plain not heard and I figure I didn't have anything important or life altering to say anyways so ... I'm finding lately that I am much more at home in smaller groups where I can play an integral role in the conversation. Which doesn't mean I dislike all large group activities because sometimes I do just like to listen. It's all about finding a balance I guess. Historically I have had a lot of problems with balance (literally and figuratively) ... I tend to hit one extreme or the other. So I am trying to fine tune but there is not always a lot of precision. It's not like physical balance where I can just think "tight abs, tight abs" and my left tilt corrects itself just so. Ah well. If life was easy I would probably get bored.

I've actually been talking to my brother a lot. We went through a really rough patch in the fall cause I was a little bit snappish what with the broken heart and all and he was a little bit snappish what with the lack of gainful employment ... but now he has a job and my heart is a lot less shattered and things are much better. Which is good. My brother is one of the people that I know believes in me no matter what, unconditionally. And that's kind of an amazing thing. (For what it is worth, I believe in him too.)

I've been hanging out a lot with B too, trying to get lots of time in before she goes away. Although she had an interview at the Stollery yesterday so if she gets that job she might delay the travelling for another year. I'm not sure which I hope for more - both would be amazing opportunities for her. The first would mean a week's holiday for me; the latter would mean my best friend stays a few blocks away for a little longer - both would be good things.

Things feel really random right now ... I have a few tentative plans for the coming months (Greece!!) but nothing set in stone until July 7,2007. I know that in the next few days things are going to solidify but at this second my future feels foggy and uncertain. I have a lot of decisions coming but for the next few days I can put them off and pretend that I am not about to stray from my beaten path. Maybe it is too late and I have already strayed. That sounds like I am about to do something risky and exciting and I'm really really not. But I am making choices that will upset the delicate balance of my life as is. I suppose any decision changes things. Perhaps I just feel very conscious of change today. How eloquent of me :p