Blast from the Past

I got a phone call today from my very first boyfriend. I think it has been almost 10 years since I last talked to him. And I just ... I don't know what to say. I picked up the phone as usual and said "Thank you for calling My Workplace, Gwyn speaking" and he said "Gwyn?" and I said yes and he said "that's a name I haven't heard in a long time. Do you know who this is?" and I honestly thought it was one of my dad's friends or someone from one of the other offices just being silly so I made some smart comment and he said "from the way you just said that I know you're who I think you are. This is ..." Our jobs are sort of tenuously connected and he came across my name in some of his paperwork and thought he would check it out. I didn't have a lot of time to chat being at work and all but I gave him my cell # and maybe we will go for coffee or something and catch up.

It's weird but also a little bit wonderful to hear from him. I mean, it's been 10 years and I don't think about him all the time but he was someone I cared a lot about at one point and every once in a while I wonder how he is and what he is doing and wish that I knew how to get in touch with him. And now here we are. He's married and has 2 kids and it's crazy and strange to contemplate. Maybe he will never call again, or maybe after all this time we'll have nothing in common but today was still nice.

It fit in kind of nicely with some of the stuff that has been rolling around in my brain these last few days about friends and friendships in general and how sometimes you drift away from people you always thought would be right beside you. And I think a lot of the time the drift is unintentional ... maybe it's an inherent laziness of mostly spending time with the people who are in closest proximity, maybe it's the natural progression of things. I'm thinking about the other people I was close with 10 years ago and how I thought we would always be friends or at least keep in generic touch, a card at Christmas or whatever ... and the only people really around from those days are B & Niki (although Chnaners and Jo entered the picture right around then) and I wonder what makes my friendships with those 2 girls different, why we lasted and continue to last, especially given that there have been big blowouts that could have ended things. How have we held on? Maybe I shouldn't think about it too much other than to be thankful every day that we have. But I can't help wondering how it all works. I think of the people I am close with today and how I can't imagine not being close with them and a part of me wonders who will still play a role in my life 5 years from now, 10 years from now. Wonders if I can do anything to make sure we are still in touch, to make sure they know how much they touch every moment of my life and how much that matters and in some ways will always matter.

That's what todays phone call made me realize. That yes, people drift apart, but the effect of those important people is never truly forgotten. I still remember that first kiss, I still remember the look he had that was reserved just for me, I still remember all the laughter and good times - maybe not the specifics of it all but the general feeling of comfort and good will. I remember the tears and the rough patches and the learning experiences. And while that time 10 years ago, and those people from back then, are no longer the focal point of my map, they're still an indelible part of who I was and who I have become.

It's hard to stay in touch with everyone that I want to. Even with e-mail at my finger tips, I often talk myself out of writing to the people I care about because nothing super interesting is going on or I can't think of anything witty to say. But I am going to work on it. I am going to try and keep in better touch, even if it just ends up being a quick e-mail or a card to say "I'm thinking about you" or "you're important to me". Because I don't want to wake up 5 years from now or 10 years from now and wonder where my friends went and wonder if I could have tried a little bit harder to keep them in my life.