More of the Same

I don't know if it is leftover lethargy from being sick or the January blahs or what but I feel like if I were to be compared to a flavor I would be Plain. And since the only thing I can think of that comes in a Plain flavor is yoghurt I would be Plain Yoghurt. I tried to explain this analogy to BW last night using Vanilla but I actually kind of like Vanilla. And regardless he only laughed at me and told me I couldn't be plain anything because I was way too crazy. I think that was supposed to make me feel better.

But it is true. I am feeling utterly Plain Jane. I am ballet (without the beauty and grace) instead of hip-hop; dry history instead of action-adventure; planning and predictable instead of spur of the moment; Prim & Proper. And that's fine I guess. Only right now I am rebelling against myself. I don't want to be who I am but I don't know how to be anybody else. And also when I do have my moments of slight risktaking I a)find rejection right quick and b)feel guilty for days and weeks and sometimes even months. It's who I am and who I have always been but lately in ways I can't quantify I am not happy with myself. I want to be different. I want to be noticed in a crowd. I want to be someone people call. I want to be somone people respond to. I want to be someone people remember. I want to have exciting news. I want to do interesting things (and not spend days sick in compensation). Instead, I have my little routine that I rarely deviate from and little things to look forward to that don't really change the grand scheme of anything ever.