Sunday, March 30, 2008

Saturday Six

On Sunday ... cause I'm a day late and a dollar short ...

Inspired by the couples I was hanging out with last night and their insistence that I date a boy I am not in the least attracted to simply because he is nice and has a pile of money.

Things I am looking for in a boy I might consider dating

1. He should be single. Really, truly, actually single. As in no girlfriend. No wife. No girl he is a)sleeping with consistently or b)actively pursuing but willing to settle for me in the meanwhile.

2. He should be someone I find attractive - for whatever reason he should peak my interest. If this is not immediate, he should be someone I see often enough that his less obvious charms become evident.

3. He should be interested in his own good health, preferably physically active, and not because I pressure him into a gym membership/otherwise force him to take an interest.

4. He should be someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, not a genius necessarily but someone who can hold his own, and have opinions and not think that he has to agree with every word that comes out of my mouth.

5. He should challenge me - whether to try new things or think about old things in a different way.

6. He should be someone that I have fun with and who makes me laugh.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Quickie

There is so much to do and the days in which to do it in are flying by. It has been only a month and a half or so since this whole home buying plan got put into action but it feels like about three years. I think back to something that happened yesterday or last week and think was it only yesterday? Feels like a month ago. If the stress doesn't kill me it will only make me stronger right?

There is so much to say and yet the words to say it with elude me. The energy to sit in front of my computer and pour out my heart and be honest with myself and with you is sitting in a little well that is being covered up with lists upon lists of things to do and people to call and places to be. And when I do think about writing all I want to do is be ranty and fixate on things that don't really matter because the things that do matter? Scary doesn't even begin to describe it.

Everything feels larger than life and overwhelming. Work, the thought of painting my new place, keeping my current place tidy for showings, trying to fit in family and friends and appointments and me time, keeping up the gym ... the last one is SO important because I think the hour that I spend there on a (mostly) daily basis is what is keeping me sane. That hour of sweat pouring down my face and back, that hour where all I can think about is taking that next step, lifting that next weight and breathing, always always breathing. Everything else falls away for that hour and I feel like I might not drown, not yet, not today.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Saturday Six

Easter Related

1. Trivia: This is the earliest Easter can be. It will not be this early for another 250 years. Apparently Easter falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox. Who knew?

2. Good Friday is my favorite church service.

3. When I was little and we actually went to the Easter Vigil in our small town church, they used to have an actual bonfire at the back of the church. It is not a very solid memory but it is an important one.

4. I love me some Cadbury Mini-eggs.

5. My dad & I bought my mom tulips to celebrate Spring & Easter.

6. The Easter Bunny is going to be good to me - I know, because I got to pick out the chocolates :p. (I think the Easter Bunny & Santa Clause MIGHT stop coming for me when I have kids of my own. Good thing that is not likely to happen in the very near future.)

Monday, March 17, 2008

If a = b and b = c then a must = c. right?

I would pay good money for a boy-decoder ring.

I wish that my "I'm not sure what to think" default wasn't set to probably an asshole.

I wish that I wasn't so broken, so trained to believe that any boy I might be interested will a)turn out to have a girlfriend/like someone else and b)lie to me about it.

I am tired of being told by boys that have girlfriends that if they didn't have girlfriends they would totally date me and that they don't know why the single boys aren't lining up at my feet. Because when those boys are single - surprise! - they don't want to date me either.

I am tired of being told to think positive, that I will find love when I least expect it, that my turn is coming, that I should stop looking.

I am tired of being single, of wondering why I am single, of being scared of what life would be like if I wasn't single.

There is this boy at the gym and I think he is super cute and I think that he flirts with me/might be interested but I have NO idea how to get past the idle chit chat, how are you? stage.
Part of my issue is that he is not just some random guy at the gym he is one of the guys that works at the gym and that I have to interact with to get passes to my class and skipping ropes and other things from so I am scared that if I do anything too obvious and I have totally been reading him wrong then it will make me not want to go to the gym. Which would be bad on so many levels.

But mostly I am just not sure if he is actually flirting with me or just a friendly guy or I just desperately want someone to notice me so I am making up that he does.

Here's the story ... I had kind of noticed him around once in a while. And then I started going to a spin class on Saturday mornings and we started to have to get passes because it is a popular class. The first Saturday we need a pass I show up and he is handing them out but I forgot to bring something to exchange for the pass. He tells me I need collateral and I say "crap" or something along those lines because I am later than I would like and now have to go back to my locker on the other side of the gym. He says sorry and I say no, I knew I needed that, I'll be right back. When I get back he tells me he was saving a card for me. And then after class, before I even hand him my card (they're numbered) he says "Number 12! I remember!" And at that moment I realize that I think he is cute and am thereafter totally tonguetied and moronic around him.

So I pretty much see him every Saturday I am in Calgary and we make the abovementioned idle chit chat and now I also see him almost every other time I am at the gym and I am pretty sure ... not that he stares at me ... but he notices when I am around. And there is the odd wave or nod of acknowledgement when one or both of us is busy and we can't really say hey. And then a couple of weeks ago I saw him as I was leaving the weight room and he says "how's it going" and I say "good" and he says "I haven't seen you in a while. Well, I've seen you, but I haven't talked to you." which I followed up with a really lame comment that doesn't bear repeating and went on my merry way.

I finally got up the courage to introduce myself last Wednesday, after many pep talks from my girls and many false starts on my part. I think I flustered him a little, he blushed at any rate. I saw him again today and he said "hey, how's it going" and I said "good!" and then he frowned and knew he got my name wrong but was close. And part of me wants to think he tried to remember my name and that's a good thing. But the part of me that defaults to asshole thinks that he didn't remember my name even if he was close. And the very tired part of me thinks this shouldn't be this hard. Ironically, if it wasn't this hard I would probably have lost interest by now.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Saturday Six

Things that made me happy this week

1. Late night chatting with Niki
2. Late night hanging out with Simone/Tyler/Erik
3. Long phone call with Melly
4. Long phone call with Erica
5. Home deal being finalized
6. FINALLY introducing myself to the cute boy at the gym

Thursday, March 13, 2008

It is Official

My condo deal went firm today!

The week was not as housewise hectic as anticipated but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I am (not so secretly) super anal and on the ball. Monday was brutal because I made all my phone calls first thing and then had to wait impatiently for everyone else to get their lives in order and get back to me. But by the end of Tuesday I had all my financing approved and all my appointments set up and felt pretty good about life. So now all I have to do is talk to the lawyer (beginning of April), pick paint colors, pack and move. Everything has fallen into place and I can't help wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. But every time that negativity, those thoughts that my life can't be totally fabulous, creep up on me I take a deep breath and say no, I deserve to be happy, I deserve good things to happen to me, and I can deal with any minor bumps along the way. It's not a fool proof plan but it is keeping me moving forward with a smile on my face.

I had my inspection this afternoon and got to see the place knowing that it was mine and it was an awesome feeling walking through the door and thinking, I own this place! It still smelled like old man and still doesn't show well but I have a vision and think that once I paint and nest and make it my own I am really really going to love it. I noticed all kinds of little things I missed in the terror of trying to make a good decision, like the lights over the breakfast bar and how huge the balcony really is. I am excited over really nerdy things like how much storage space there is and the nook with the built in computer desk and the insuite laundry. Not to mention the walk-in closet and the breakfast bar and the decent sized bedroom and the underground heated parking.

My posession date is April 15 and it is going to come quickly. But I am ready and I am excited and I truly believe that everything is going to work out. I will be poorer than a churchmouse but I will have a home and I will feel like there is somewhere I finally belong in this city. Somewhere that I can come home to as a sanctuary. Somewhere that is mine all mine, from the furniture to the decorations to the sweat labour that will go into the paint job. I can hardly wait.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

#7. Save for/buy property – conditional as of March 7, 2008

I conditionally own property!! And once I officially own property I will provide a few more details of said property. Pictures to follow if I a)buy a camera before I move in or b) (more likely) borrow my parents camera.

It is exciting and nervewracking and stressful and a whole lot of emotions all at once. Mostly good. But there is so much to do before the end of Friday that I am not sure how it is all going to come together in time. I have to call my investor to release my personal RRSP money and fill out a form to send away for my work RRSP money and talk to the bank to find out if the drop in interest rates changes anything or if my dad has to make a decision about loaning me a little bit more money or co-signing. I have to arrange for my inspection - which seems silly for a 600 sq ft condo built in 2006 but I know a guy and it is free so why the heck not. I have to meet with the people who are going to review my condo documents to make sure there is nothing funky up front that I need to know about. Plus working, working overtime, and um maybe some more overtime so that when I start hemmoraging money like there is no tomorrow there will actually be said money in my bank account.

The thought of everything I have to spend money on now is keeping me awake at night. So I am going to make a bit of a list right now in the hopes that once it is officially written somewhere my brain will turn off and let me sleep. (ha ha ha) There are lawyers fees and the cost of the condo review and possibly a repayment of taxes if the guy who currently lives there paid in advance. I need to paint so there will be the cost of paint etc. I need living room furniture (which I think I am buying 2nd hand and have mostly under control). A toaster and a kettle. And silverware. A vaccuum. And possibly a million other odds and ends, so I am really wishing I remembered exactly what is in the boxes I have packed up at my parents. Some of it is not going to be urgent purchases but there is enough that needs to be bought in the fairly immediate future that I am feeling slightly panicked and also unreasonably wanting to spend money on frivolous things. (Shopping calms my nerves. I am trying to find something free to calm my nerves and in the meantime beating down the urge to spend money unnecessarily.)

I think once the hectic and the money spending is over (I know the money spending will never actually end but the initial outpouring will slow to a trickle) I will be really excited. I'm in a great area of town, I really like the place I bought and I am SO excited to live on my own as previously mentioned. A little (or a lot) of financial frugality never killed anyone. Did it?

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Saturday Six

Food Related

1. I first tried Apricot Stilton cheese when I was in England almost 5 (OMG) years ago and fell madly in love. I have searched every grocery store I have ever been in since and have failed to find it in Canada. But Thursday I got a hot tip that they sell it at Sunterra and there is now a hunk of delectable yumminess in my fridge. It was better than I remembered.

2. I always thought that the bagel switch on toasters was to widen the toaster slots so the bagel would fit better. Apparently it actually turns off the heat on one side so you only toast the front of the bagel. I prefer my bagels toasted on both sides.

3. Shopping for yogourt stresses me out. I don't want aspartame and I don't want too much artificial sugar but the label doesn't indicate how much sugar is artificial vs natural and ... and I try to eat yogourt every day so finding one that meets all of my requirements and is not uber-expensive would be a really good thing.

4. I don't like yogourt with fruit on the bottom

5. I am starting to really enjoy onions. Even raw. I think the world may be close to ending.

6. I love wraps. I think you could put almost anything in a wrap and it would be fabulous. Yesterday I had a flatbread wrap with hummous, artichoke, olive, fresh veggies and feta. I could have died happy after that meal.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Stepping Stones

I'm feeling a bit more on an even keel today. Still a little scared, still a little stressed, but more confident that I will be able to handle things. I think all I needed was a good nights sleep, a few deep breaths and a little perspective. I think it was the right decision not to make an offer yesterday.

Surprisingly, the person who has helped me calm down and rationalize the most is my mother. I know. No one is more shocked than I am. But everytime I have felt like things were getting out of control she has been the voice of reason, she has somehow said all the right things to make me step back and confirm that this is what I want. Last night she told me (and I am paraphrasing here) that people could say what they wanted and I could take or leave their advice but the most important thing was for me to have enough confidence that I was capable of making the best decision possible. And she is right. Even though I am scared that I might make a mistake, it will not be a mistake I can't recover from. I am not going to pay too much for my place. I am not going to buy a lemon. I know what my finances are like and what I can afford and what I have to do to make it work. And if the bottom of the market falls out, well, I am not going to be alone in that experience. All I can do is gather as much information and make as informed a decision as possible. As a Smart & Beautiful Girl(tm) I am more than qualified to take this step. More importantly I am ready to take this step.

I know that I don't love the place I am thinking about putting an offer on. But I do like it. I can see that it has potential with a little paint and my own personal touches. It is somewhere I will be able to afford and it is somewhere I think I will be happy for the next 2 to 5 years (Thanks Karen). It is not my dream house, but, as I have said before and as I may have to keep reminding myself, it is a stepping stone to get there.

I am going to look at a few more places on Thursday, just to make sure that there isn't something that meets all my qualifications that I do LOVE the minute I walk in the door. Depending what I find we'll take it step by step from there.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Not Knowing

I didn't put an offer in. I almost did. But then I didn't.

And I am frustrated, confused and feeling rather stupid because there are so many things I don't know and I am not one who likes to negotiate and everyone has about 4 million opinions about what I should do and how I should do it and ... and I just don't know.

I know that I need to move. I know that I want to buy rather than rent. I know that I want a one bedroom so that I can live on my own. I know that it is a buyers market right now.

But I don't know what the market is going to do. And I don't know what a fair price actually is given that even offering "low" is still considerably high for what a place is actually worth. Except that what a place is actually worth is driven by the market and ...

I have looked at 12 places (the only 12 in my price range in the SE/SW and not on the ground floor) and liked 2 of them. Not loved. And there are things that I don't like about both places. So does that mean I should widen my search or does that mean I should be more ok with offering low and sticking low. And how does my realtor fit in? Because obviously she is in it for the commission and the more I pay the more she makes. But she says she wants me to love the place I make an offer on and that if I am not willing to move much off my starting point then that means I don't love it and won't be happy so we should keep looking. But then other people say that even if I did love it I should still start low and stay firm because it is a buyers market and the seller should come as close to my price as possible. They say it is like a game of chicken and if the sellers place has sat long enough without any bites then they have to be getting nervous so even if I am nervous because I have a deadline for when I have to move by I still have the upper hand.

It doesn't really feel like the upper hand. It feels like I don't know. And like I should know. And like I have to make a decision only how do I know if I am making the right decision and ...

Have I mentioned the frustrated and stressed part?

I am trying to stay positive and believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to and that I will find a place I love and can afford. It is really hard to do today.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Opinionated? Who Me?

Wednesday officially started the condo hunt. My realtor (Kim) and I had gone out a couple of times before my stint in Edmonton but that was before I had really decided what I wanted and knew what I could afford. So Wednesday was the deluge of 1 bedrooms.

We saw 9.

And I liked 1.

I haven't decided if that is good or bad yet. We are going tomorrow afternoon to see the place I liked again and 4 others. I am pretty sure if I don't like any of the other 4 I will be putting in an offer. Tomorrow. In less than 24 hours. Send a brown bag for me to hyperventilate in kthanks.

Here is what I have learned from my search: a lot of people who design condos do not have the functionality of a small space in mind. I apparently feel strongly that if I am going to be living in 600sq ft or less it NEEDS to be functional. There should be closets. The masterbedroom/walk in closet should not be bigger than the rest of the living area. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of a walk-in closet. The very girly part of me wept for joy when I walked into that bedroom. My dreamhouse has several walk-in closets. But I am not buying my dreamhouse. I am buying a stepping stone towards my dreamhouse and the practical side of me would much rather trade a bigger bedroom with walk in closet for a kitchen I can actually cook in and a living area that will fit more than 2 people without guests having to resort to sitting on top of one another.

I am starting to get really excited to live on my own. To know that on days when I get home tired and stressed out and wanting to be alone no one will be there unless I have invited them. I won't have to play nice with people I hardly know. I will know that I can cook in the kitchen when I am hungry. I will know that if I had food in the fridge it will still be there unless I ate it/threw it out. I can have a bath whenever the mood hits. I can sleep with my bedroom door open. I can clean on my own schedule and know that if there is a mess it is because I made it. I think it will be glorious.

Saturday Six

Things I am Grateful For

1. Drinks with Shannon & Lori-Ann last night

2. Getting through month end mostly unscathed

3. Long phone calls with B

4. Emails from my mom

5. Being able to keep my nails for as long as I have

6. Niki's help/support during my condo hunt