A plan

I know, I know. My last post is all these are my goals and I am well aware that one of them was to write more. And have I done that? Well I could pretend that I have updated my paper journal (and I have, twice) but really there has been not so much with the writing. And not so much with the self reflecting - I think this is being reflected in the fact that I am up around 4 am every morning with my brain whirling madly. And at 4 am I am not so inclined to delve deep into my psyche, I just want to go back to sleep for 2 more hours so that I can make it through my very busy day. So I have settled on a plan that I am hoping will help me sleep through the night and also mean that you (is there anyone still reading?) will hear more from me here. It's a plan, not a promise, keep in mind. But I figure since I am up anyways and since technically I don't have to be at work until 8:45 (9 shortly since I don't get summer flex days) and I don't really need 2.5 hours to get ready that I will use my free morning time to do some writing. As of right now I have a lot of work and have been going in early but I am getting close to caught up so the plan should work.

Of course part of the plan is going to involve some self-ass-kicking to motivate me to actually share some of the details of my life and to do some of that inner soul searching that I have been avoiding - starting to feel a little bit like Scarlett O'Hara with all the "I'll think about it tomorrows" that have been going on. And I know that if I let it tomorrow will never come.

Busy busy at the moment helping to plan Miss Cordelia's wedding ... some days it feels like MY wedding which is nice in some ways because I have never really been this involved in a wedding before and Cordelia is one of my best friends and I am so excited to share her day with her. In other ways it is not so nice because I do silly things like make shower invitations from scratch and spend 2 hours going through pictures of people I don't really know for the slide show AND I have to write a speech. It's not that there isn't anything to say, it's that there is too much to say and I am not entirely sure how to say it. And also my teeny tiny fear of public speaking. I just really have to sit down and start and I am sure the words will flow ... I am just scared they won't capture the essence of how I feel or what I want to say, or that it will be too in-between friends and no one else will get it or care. I guess I just have to accept that as long as I speak from the heart it doesn't matter if anyone cares as long as it is meaningful to Cordie but that isn't stopping the pressure I am putting on myself.