Quickie

There is so much to do and the days in which to do it in are flying by. It has been only a month and a half or so since this whole home buying plan got put into action but it feels like about three years. I think back to something that happened yesterday or last week and think was it only yesterday? Feels like a month ago. If the stress doesn't kill me it will only make me stronger right?

There is so much to say and yet the words to say it with elude me. The energy to sit in front of my computer and pour out my heart and be honest with myself and with you is sitting in a little well that is being covered up with lists upon lists of things to do and people to call and places to be. And when I do think about writing all I want to do is be ranty and fixate on things that don't really matter because the things that do matter? Scary doesn't even begin to describe it.

Everything feels larger than life and overwhelming. Work, the thought of painting my new place, keeping my current place tidy for showings, trying to fit in family and friends and appointments and me time, keeping up the gym ... the last one is SO important because I think the hour that I spend there on a (mostly) daily basis is what is keeping me sane. That hour of sweat pouring down my face and back, that hour where all I can think about is taking that next step, lifting that next weight and breathing, always always breathing. Everything else falls away for that hour and I feel like I might not drown, not yet, not today.

40 Days of No Excuses for Not Exercising

I realized yesterday that with Easter being so early this year, Lent starts next week. Now I am the first to admit that I am not a very good Catholic. I don't go to church regularly, I don't agree with a lot of the church teachings, and I feel like there should be a third point to round things out but I don't have one. But I do have faith, whether it fits nicely in with an organized religion or not. Mostly not. And Catholicism is the way I was brought up to express that faith. And I guess whatever failings I might find with the church itself there are still some aspects that I like, there are times of the year that bring back very strong memories associated with being in a church, and there are rituals that are very much a part of who I am.

The first thing I did this morning was pull out the pancake recipe that I found online some weeks ago. Because I am bound and determined that there will be pancakes this Tuesday so I had to make sure I picked up anything I needed at the grocery store. I am not sure why the pancakes are so important to me this year. It's certainly not anything my family has made a regular habit of doing, but I remember last year really wanting pancakes and when I realized it was going to be Lent I really wanted pancakes, therefore pancakes will be had.

Then I started thinking about what I should give up for Lent. Lots of people give up chocolate or fast food or desserts ... but for the most part I am already mostly cutting those out of my life so that didn't work. But this morning at the gym, after more than a week of sloth (meaning no gym/exercise) it hit me. Instead of giving something up I am going to take something on. So starting Wednesday it will be 40 days of No Excuses for Not Exercising. Obviously there may have to be some excuses - if I get injured or viciously ill or have a migraine like I did last Wednesday. But no wimp-ass "I'm tired" or "I worked late" or "I'm in a bad mood". Because you know what? as soon as I get there the exercise takes all those excuses and kicks them to the curb and I am always glad that I made myself go. Getting through the door is 90% of the battle and it is always worth it. For my good health.